A Shift from Mayhem to Maturity

 It's hard to believe that this was started over 3 years ago, at the height of depression and loneliness for me, in the middle of trying my very hardest not to resent everyone and everything. I started writing with the thought that it would help someone, and that would make it all worthwhile. I have no idea if it did. I know that my writing was not what I thought it was. Going back and reading some of my work was an eye-opener. Oh well. I can see it better now, I can hear my own voice in my writing better. Hopefully, that makes things a bit more readable from now on. 

Much has happened, I've learned a lot, experienced an unreasonable amount, and witnessed a need in my own and the greater community that I can't ignore anymore. Here is where I can talk, and hopefully it helps someone. 

So in this small, but honest post, here marks a shift for my overall message. I don't believe I am special. I don't believe I have so much more to say to any one person than anyone else. I don't believe that there are masses of women and men looking to move into the same chapter of life as me, blissfully unaware of the potential for challenges, and needing me to rescue them from their joyous state of ignorance. But I do think that while I had people in my life who could have told me things, no one did in a way that helped me. 
Oh, tons of people poured their horror stories out for me to hear, never for my husband, but for me. But no one explained to me the value of advocacy, the power of silence, the gravity of calmness and the richness of meaningful contemplation. The wreckage as a result, and the growth that happened for my partner and I, were monumental. 

I wish it didn't have to be. I wish we had known some things beforehand so that we wouldn't have had such a steep learning curve. It's so incredibly fast, the speed at which a person's ears can fold in on themselves when trying to protect the heart from fear. The horror stories were exactly the wrong way to try and teach, so if that's what these women and families were trying to do, I can say with confidence that it didn't work. I am grateful now that they tried, again, if that was their intention, but the efficacy of it...was lacking. 

It's time we stepped up for each other. I was in Costco the other day with my younger kid, and she heard a baby crying. I saw which baby it was, and I saw a mother trying her best to be calm and help her teeny little love calm down. She was doing fine. The only thing I might say is that she didn't need to worry about what others were thinking, because she was clearly doing her best, and that baby looked well cared for. So when my daughter said "mommy, baby crying! Look, baby crying, oh no!" I told her that mommy was doing a good job and the baby would be ok. I had two other women in the aisle stop and give me a double-take, like the idea that a mom would be complimenting another mom was astonishing. This was baffling. 

So that's my aim. I know my style and limitations. I know sometimes I'm going to deviate and write about crafts or sewing or animal care or... who knows what, because I have a scatterbrain that likes doing that, and I like just talking about stuff. But I am here to talk mostly about parenting, mental health, and kids with disabilities. Whether our kids are typical or not, whether we struggled now or then, we all see these things in their time and, at the very least, need to know that we aren't alone. 

If you're new here, welcome. I see the mess, and I don't care. The comments are for kindness, or the comments go away. This applies to all situations. We're here to learn to build people up. And that's how we'll stay.